Will it fit? ~ recovery and clothing size

Hello hello!

I’m currently traveling and have some time to kill, so thought I would sit down and attempt to catch and solidify all of the thoughts that have been buzzing around my brain for the past few days. Today, I’m going to bring to you a little spiel about clothes which are the wrong size for your body, and how to deal with it. Scroll down to the bottom for a quick-read list, if you don’t have 4 minutes to spare for reading the bulk of the text <3

Recently, I cleared out the wardrobe in my childhood room. I am a recovering hoarder (lol), and have only recently gotten better at not clinging on to material items which may be associated with fond memories. Therefore, I had a lot of clothes to go through some of which frankly up to a decade old. I knew I would instantly dislike many of them, just because they might be super childish or not in my taste at all anymore (see pic lol), but I also knew there would be clothes I’d really love to fit into… the only problem being, they’d not fit my body anymore as I was 1) older and consequently larger and 2) recover(ed/ing).

When you stop starving yourself, stop purging, stop overexercising – and all of those other compensatory behaviours you have put your darling body through – you will gain some weight. Or you may just have a redistribution in how your body looks.

Obviously, this is a terrifying thought for a person preoccupied with the way their body looks. It is why many end up sacrificing a great deal, attempting to counteract such a weight “gain” (I say “gain”, because what is gained is really only what is needed for your body to thrive, feel safe, and return to normal metabolism. I would not consider it to be some sort of surplus, even though that’s what not-so-helpful ED thoughts will naturally say).

Now, my purpose of this piece of word vomit here is to remind both myself, and anyone who happens to have stumbled across this text in this particular corner of the internet, that this is to be accepted.

If you want to recover, if you want freedom from foods and eating habits ruling your life, you need to stop focusing on the way your body looks, and instead start working on your mind and thoughts. The latter are everything, when it comes to eating disorder recovery. Of course, I know that this is easier said than done, and I strongly suggest anyone who is unwell seek professional help or CBT therapy because it’s not an easy task.

So… how many times haven’t you tried to squeeze into a piece of clothing which doesn’t fit, and thought “gosh, I really must lose weight”?

I know I have, countless of times – and I know I am not the only one.

But…

That doesn’t really make any sense. You not fitting into your clothes?

No. No, it’s the clothes which aren’t fitting your body.

A simple statement, seemingly just a matter of semantics, but oh-so-important. How do you expect to accept your body, if you’re trying to change its shape in order for it to fit into some mold only you need it to fit? You need to dress your body, dress for your body. Honour its shape with your garments. Or just wear whatever, and don’t care what its shape is – even better!

Here follows a list of tips of things to do regarding clothes which don’t fit:

• get rid of clothes which don’t fit. this goes for clothes which are both too small, or too large. if you keep a tight skirt because it looks pretty, and you’re hoping to one day fit into it, your mind will be programmed to believe that your goal is weight-loss, in order to fit into it. Nuh-uh – wrong! Just don’t. give the clothes to charity, to a friend you know will love them, repurpose them, sell them second-hand on sites like eBay or depop…
• get clothes which DO fit. clothes you feel comfortable in, and that you like. no point buying something which physically fits, but which doesn’t make you feel like royalty.
• bonus tip: buy clothes second-hand! better for the planet, your wallet, and you get to find some cool and unique clothes. mass-produced clothes and stuff on sale are less good options here.
• focus on recovering. heal your mind, learn to accept yourself. don’t be too hard on yourself. in fact – if you think or know that going through old clothes and trying them on might be triggering for you – save it for another day. or, if you can tell by looking at something that it won’t fit, resist the temptation to try it on to confirm it. for me, this only leads to negative self-talk, and could’ve been easily avoided.
• do NOT attach much worth to clothing sizes. 1) they vary between different brands, and even within one brand’s different clothing pieces 2) they have changed lots over the years 3) you will obsess over them. sure, we kind of need to look at the label to pick out clothes we think will fit, but try not to think too much about you “being” a size large, 10 or 22. think of it as being a size of that particular type of clothing you have come across, and will try on to see if it looks good on you – according to the standards you have set yourself for clothes you like and which make you feel goooooood.

I think that’s it for me today, because it’s kind of hard to write about and like I said at the start, something I definitely need to work on myself 🙂

It would mean a lot to me if you read this and left a comment, or DM:ed me on Instagram. And, most importantly, please please seek help if you are struggling!

All the love in the world,

xo Linda